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2005-12-27 23:13:50
From: Orpheus
Woody Allen:
-Eighty percent of success is showing up.
-Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot.
-I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
-I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
-I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
-I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
-I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
-I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen
-I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
-If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
-If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
-If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
-In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Woody Allen
-In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
-Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
-Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
-It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
-Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
-Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
-Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
-Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.
-Marriage is the death of hope.
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| 2005-12-27 23:14:51: Orpheus
-More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
-Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
-Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
-Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
-Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
-Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
-Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
-The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
-The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
-The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
-Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
-What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
-Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
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